What To Say/ Not To Say

Here are some quick guidelines for interacting with parents who have lost a baby. Remember, they are going through one of the darkest times in life human beings can experience. It's important to watch what you say and that even if your words have the purest intentions, they can sometimes come across as insensitive and even hurtful. We don't say this to discourage you from talking to parents about their little ones — it's always better to say something rather than nothing — we just say this to help you think about your words before you speak, making sure you are giving encouragement and support.


What to say:  


  • God did not waste this heartbreak on you.
  • I miss (baby’s name) too.
  • We still pray for you, we still think about you (even if this is weeks, months later).
  • We have no expectations for how you should feel and grieve. We will love you regardless of how that all looks.
  • We love you and we love (baby’s name).


What NOT to say:


  • You will have a family one day.
  • The Lord will bless you with a child in His perfect timing.
  • I understand your grief because I lost a job, a dog, a family member.
  • Don’t cry because your baby wouldn’t want you too.
  • Haven’t you grieved enough?